Voyd of Course

"It's like the Onion, only skinnier!" --Milton Swift "Still worth the price of the paper it's not printed on." --Felicia DuBois "The unspeakable, spoken." --Malin Wuptke "More interesting than computer solitaire, though perhaps not so effective a distraction from the void." --Harlan J. Rippington "Satire today, history tomorrow." --Steven Wallace

My Photo
Name:
Location: Santa Fe, NM, United States

In 1966, I wrote a fake newspaper article under the headline "JACK CASS SETS WORLD SHOWERING RECORD." Mr. Yohans, my 9th grade English teacher, liked it so well that he read it aloud--to much not-quite-suppressed giggling, at the sound of which, Mr Yohans said, "What? What? Did I miss something here?" I spent the rest of the afternoon in Principal Leon Duff's outer office. When Mr. Duff, who was a busy man, decided he didn't have time to see me, his secretary sent me back to the classroom, where I was greeted like McMurphy returning from solitary. Emboldened by my de facto exoneration, my friends began work on their own fake news stories. I remember a spate of Russian names in the stories, including "Ivan Kutchikokoff" and "Ivan Jerkinov." Needless to say, our newly suspicious teacher sent both of my friends to Mr. Duff's office, where they were not as bureaucratically blessed as I had been. They sat detention for a week. This I took as a lesson in subtlety--and in how to start a commotion and slip from the room before the law comes down.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

U.S. Headlines

NUDE PHOTOS OF JACK ABRAMOFF AND PRESIDENT BUSH “NOT EVIDENCE OF PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP” SAYS WHITE HOUSE COUNSELOR DAN BARTLETT
Photos Show Naked Bush, Abramoff “Clearing Brush” on President’s Crawford Ranch

U.S. Headlines

SHAMED CHENEY ATTEMPTS TO TAKE OWN LIFE, KILLS NEARBY QUAIL INSTEAD

Monday, February 13, 2006

U.S. Headlines


SHORTAGE OF BODY ARMOR BLAMED
IN CHENEY HUNTING ACCIDENT

VP Blasts War Critics, Blames Dems for Shipping Quail Hunters' Armor to Iraq

PHOTO: Shooting Victim Harry Whittington
on a Previous Hunt
with Vice President Dick Cheney

Monday, February 06, 2006

Literary Life

CARL HAAS, AUTHOR OF A DULL, SAFE LIFE, NOT SELECTED FOR OPRAH INTERVIEW
Controversy Roiling Over Whether, on the Afternoon of September 24th, 1971, Haas Had Two Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and a Glass of Iced Tea, as he Claims. or a Caesar Salad and Lemonade, as his Sister Reports

U.S. Headlines

JAGGER AIRLIFTED TO DETROIT'S ST. JOHN HOSPITAL FOR TOTAL HIP REPLACEMENT FOLLOWING SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW
Doctors Fear 62 Year Old Singer Will Regain "Full Range of Motion"

Budget 2007

BUSH'S PLEDGE: STARVING, UNEDUCATED, UNEMPLOYED, UNTREATED, IMPOVERISHED U.S. CITIZENS WILL BE SAFE FROM TERRORISTS
2.8 Trillion Budget Boosts Defense, Homeland Security, Cuts Education, Medicare, Medicaid

Entertainment News

ROLLING STONES CONCERT BEGINS, ENDS WITH "FOOTBALL GAME"
Innovative Concept was Mick's Idea, Says Keith