This Just In: News That Stays News
NEW MILITARY DRAFT INITIATIVE TO SOLVE BOTH SOCIAL SECURITY AND IRAQ TROOP SHORTFALLS
"This bill," Bush said during a break in the dancing, "will allow our seniors to live productive, albeit significantly shorter, lives and to give something back to the America that gave so much to them. It will also allow us to continue programs like your hippity hoppety dance class here, programs that work. It goes without saying that it will also open up numerous WalMart greeter positions to young people like yourselves."
The proposal was met with enthusiastic applause by the young dancers, many of whom were nearly fifty years from retirement themselves. Blake Tawny, an aspiring dancer and actress, was quick to see additional benefits to the plan. "So my dad," she said as she leaned against a Coke machine between routines, "he's, like, 63, and is so, like, in my face about everything. With this new law, he'll be, like, on his way to Iraq in four years. That's, like, so cool."
Democrats were quick to oppose the initiative, though John Kerry (D-MA) was intrigued by one aspect of the plan. "This will give the president yet another opportunity to dodge a wartime draft."