This Just In: News That Stays News
Apostrophe use up 900% since 2002
Calling the increase “alarming,” U.S.D.E. Apostophe Specialist Josh Stearn’s predicted that by 2010 every “s” would be accompanied by an apostrophe. “It’s a little disconcerting,” Stearn’s said in a hastily called press conference at the Department of Education’s
A weary President Bush, appearing on national television for the first time in more than a month, suggested the current boom in apostrophe use would pass. “My intelligence tell’s me that these figure’s are artificially inflated,” the President said. “A great many of these apostrophe’s are being produced by terrorist cell’s operating within university’s.” As a precaution, Mr. Bush announced that he was raising the terrorist alert to orange.